Breaking the silence

Although deciding to reveal a sexual assault can be extremely difficult and painful, most victims find it helpful. Talking about a sexual assault is an important step in the healing process.

There can be many different reasons that have prevented you from telling people you were sexually assaulted. You may be ashamed or fearful of the reaction of those close to you. The myths surrounding sexual assault may have caused you to remain silent. And in cases of incest, the victim's relationship to the abuser makes it even harder to talk about it.

When you decide to talk about your assault, you will be sharing a very personal experience with another person. It may be difficult, even if you confide in someone whom you trust and who is very close to you. You may be afraid that you won't be able to talk about it, or that no one will believe you. Or maybe you fear that you won't be able to deal with the consequences of the sexual assault.

Deciding to break the silence is a big step: revealing a sexual assault can be extremely difficult. You will need to confide in someone you trust completely.

Did you know ? Talking about your sexual assault can help you. Seeking assistance as soon as possible will lessen the repercussions of the assault and help you feel less alone. Consult our resource directory (available only in French) or call the bilingual provincial helpline to find a service that can offer you what you need:  Montreal: 514 933-9007  Elsewhere in Quebec: 1 888 933-9007

Who to tell?

There are several options available to you should you decide to reveal your experience of sexual assault. Choose the option that best suits your specific needs. The following is a list of some of the possibilities open to you:

• Choose someone you trust implicitly: a friend, family member or an adult in whom you have complete confidence.
• Call the provincial helpline 24 hours a day, seven days a week, anywhere in Quebec. This free, confidential service provides a listening ear, information and referrals to specialized resources in your area.
• Contact one of the specialized centres for victims of sexual assault (centre d'aide spécialisé en agression sexuelle – CALACS) to arrange a meeting with a counsellor or talk to someone over the phone.
• Call 911 if you are currently in a dangerous or emergency situation, or go to the nearest police station to press charges.
• Go directly to a designated centre to meet with a counsellor and receive the appropriate medical care.

Here are a few suggestions that may help you feel more comfortable once you have decided to talk to someone close to you whom you can trust about your sexual assault.

Where is the best place to talk?

It's important to find the right place to talk. Choose a location where:

• you won't be distracted
• you won't be interrupted
• you'll feel safe
• you can cry or shout if you have to without being embarrassed

What should you say?

It will be easier for you if you stick to subjects you feel comfortable talking about.

• Talk about your feelings rather than the specific details of the assault.
• Don't feel you have to tell the whole story all at once.
• Talk about the assault little by little if you need to.
• Write or draw pictures if you are having trouble talking about the assault.

When should you talk about it?

The decision to talk to someone will be easier if:

• you feel the time is right
• you feel strong enough to talk about it
• you have found the right person to confide in and ask for support
• you feel safe

The role of close friends and family

Family and friends will play an important role in your healing process, whether you were sexually assaulted recently or many years ago.

It is important that your family and friends understand that your reactions are the result of the sexual assault you experienced. They must also understand the connection between your current difficulties and the assault. Most important, however, they must be attentive to what you need.

Suggest that they read the section on the Role of close friends and family for advice on how to support a victim of sexual assault.